Ocean County Library Holds Bullying Workshop

Ocean County teens, their parents, grandparents, mentors and educators attended a community workshop on bullying Monday night at the Ocean County library in Toms River, where author, sociologist and New Jersey diversity educator Paula C. Rodriguez Rust, Ph.D., discussed a variety of ways a student can be bullied in today’s schools, and what can be done to handle and prevent such practices as cyber-bullying, “sexting,” relational bullying and prejudice.

The Ocean County library annually holds such talks on bullying for teens and their concerned parents. But this year, the new anti-bullying law brings the discussion to another level.

"I am here to know my rights,” said Maggie Engelhardt, local parent of three who has heard of the law but wanted to know more about it.

“When you say the word ‘bullying,’ we still picture kids on the playground pushing each other,” Rust said. But today, when bullying is so much more than that, the well-meaning old advice to “hit back” or “just ignore it” is no longer helpful, she said. “That advice is coming out of an assumption that your child is experiencing the same kind of bullying you did when you were in school,” Rust said, addressing the parents and the educators in the audience. “But if you are being cyber-bullied, how do you hit back?”

“Most children, by the time they come to us, are taking a risk in telling us anything,” Rust said, explaining the victims’ fear of retaliation, isolation or being seen as a tattle-tale. “So if we tell them, just laugh it off, or ignore [the bullies], it won’t do any good, they had already tried that. If they come to us, they really need our help.”

The new anti-bullying bill of rights

These days bullying is a serious offense that may be handled through educational law, civil lawsuits or even the criminal justice system, depending on the nature of the incidents.

Rust explained that the new anti-bullying legislation in New Jersey, which Governor Chris Christie signed in the beginning of the year, is one of the toughest state laws in the nation, and that educational law holds schools accountable for not only addressing specific incidences but also creating a positive bullying-free learning environments.

“And that changes the ballgame,” Rust explained. “Now it’s not enough to respond [to bullying incidents] after the fact.” Where the old version of the law encouraged bullying awareness and education for students and school staff, the new law now requires it.

Here are some highlights of the anti-bullying law Rust shared on Monday:

Anti-bullying and suicide prevention education is now a legal requirement for teachers, students and other school staff.

– Every school must designate a bullying prevention specialist.

– Every school will now be officially graded on its anti-bullying efforts and overall environment.

– The privacy of every student involved in bullying will be protected, including the privacy of the perpetrator, which means the parent of the victim does not always have the right now know how her son or daughter’s bully was punished.

– If a teacher or a school official observes bullying on school grounds, she must respond on the spot.

– In addition, teachers, volunteers and staff, including night custodians, are now required by law to report any possible evidence of bullying they see or hear, including such things as insults scrawled on the door in a bathroom stall. Those must be reported verbally within 24 hours, and/or a written report must be submitted within two school days.

“The advice right now is to report anything you might even suspect, and let somebody else sift through it,” Rust said.

The anti-bullying specialist has ten days to evaluate the evidence.

Rust explained that though some teachers try to withdraw from the social life of their students, it is a mistake to not pay attention to
what goes on in the school classroom or the hallways. While “Facebook-friending” students is going too far, Rust contended, teachers’ knowing what happens inside the school walls is essential to their students’ success and well-being.

“Not noticing and not reporting would not be a wise way to go,” Rust said. “That is when you become liable.”

– While according to the national legal standard, off-campus bullying must only be addressed by the school if it causes major disruption to the school’s functioning, the new New Jersey legislation requires
the schools to deal with off-campus bullying also, if the victim’s right to have access to education has been violated through threats and harrasement.

Different kinds of bullying

As part of her anti-bullying education campaign, Rust said it’s important for everyone involved to understand what bullying is, and what it isn’t.

Bullying isn’t an argument between students on equal social footing, nor is it an end to a long-term friendship, a conflict over a romantic interest, or an innocent age-related social mistake.

“Bullying is a form of abuse, when one individual or a group is using some kind of power that they have to hurt someone,” Rust said. “It is not mutual; it’s victimization.”

Knowing what bullying is and what it isn’t helps prevent teachers and parents from trying to implement solutions that aren’t appropriate, such as forcing the child to face his abuser and expecting them to “work out their differences.”

“If one person mugs another on the street, the police do not bring in a mugger and a victim and say, ‘here is a pot of coffee, now work out your differences,’” Rust said.

Rust talked in-depth about the various types of bullying students face these days, such as relational bullying and cyber-bullying, which can socially isolate the victim and potentially lead to other, more direct types of bullying.

When a student is being insulted or attacked directly, at least she knows who to avoid, Rust said. “Let’s say someone spread a rumor about me on Facebook, but I didn’t know about it, maybe I didn’t even go to Facebook last night. Say I come in and people are looking at me funny, they’re laughing, they’re whispering. Say, at lunch I find out the rumor, and yes, it hurts, but at least now I understand what is going on. I still don’t know who spread [the rumor]. Could it have been the person sitting next to me? Could it have been him . . . or her . . . or her?  Could it have been my friend?”

Rust also discussed “sexting,” which means distributing nude photos of oneself or others, which is now a serious offense in line with
distributing underage pornography, “even if the person taking the photo is also underage, and even if that person is herself.”

Finally, Rust spoke about the social isolation experienced
by students with disabilities and those of different sexual orientation, and how even words and expressions such as “retard” and “that’s so gay” carelessly tossed around without trying to offend, can create an environment that is damaging to those students. School officials need to know that these terms are offensive, and they need to be able to intelligently explain to students why.

Educating students and teachers about respect can lead to a better learning climate for all students, which is the goal of the new legislation, Rust said.

 “Why is it that we respond to vulnerable people by attacking them, when we should respond to vulnerable people by protecting them,” Rust said. “Let’s change the environment.”

Ariel Johnson of Waretown, a student at Southern Regional High School who attended Monday night’s talk said she would tell her friends all about it the next day for just that reason. “I want other kids to be touched by how serious this is,” said Johnson, 16.